Journal Entry, Thanksgiving Day 2024

How do I let in the light?

I give myself the benefit of the doubt. I give my partner and my son the benefit of the doubt. I know they are doing the best they can, and I also express when I am emotionally unsafe or vulnerable and I take the steps I need to return to safety. When my partner is having an emotional moment because he measured the door frame wrong, it’s OK if I take space from that and find what feels good.

I treat life like a learning experience. I treat it like a labor of love. I try new things, even when they are hard and uncomfortable. I am patient with myself and give myself plenty of time. I assume the creative process is a lot like the creative life. I am in a spiral of constantly birthing and destroying. This weekend, I learned how to use spray foam to keep the mice from crawling into the writer’s shed. It wasn’t my favorite thing to do and it got all over my new winter coat, but with more time, I will be finished with it and ready for the next moment.

I hold the positive in a way that is intentional and mindful. I make sensory maps to really hold in the positive experience. I tasted my turkey leftovers and immediately stop talking! Journaling helps with these sensory maps. I write poems. The alpha poem is a beautiful way to synthesize what is good

L oving what
I s
G rafted and
H ollow helps me see
Telescopic—to the stars and back to my favorite thinking trunk.

After all the trauma, there is light. I still look at what is hurting, but the conflict with the self is a lot less jarring.