codependency

When caring for your spouse triggers past memories of caretaking co-dependence . . .

Notice, feel what it coming up, process by journaling or talking with someone, and begin to see the glimmers of change.

Maybe this time, you’re not on eggshells.

Maybe this time, you self-advocate for your own needs even when caring for a spouse.

Maybe this time you know you can be healing and experiencing grief at the same time. 

I was feeling some kind of way this weekend when my husband got sick. On the outside I was asking him what he needed. On the inside, I was like “nooooo!” I can’t be that wife who loses herself when taking care of someone she loves (like I did, co-dependently, in my first marriage). 

I took to the page and wrote a letter to this caretaking Maggie, the one who can still maintain her sense of self—her sense of creative activity, gentle boringness, depth of processing in solitude. 

Here are some sentence starters to get you started if you feel like caring for others brings up waves of complicated grief . . .

—Dear Caretaking  . . . [in gentle, soothing, nurturing voice . . . ]

—I see you . . .

—I notice you’re triggered when . . .

—And I also see a change in you because . . .

—I notice you are doing things differently this time because . . .