We’re 3 years old!
Wow, we did a lot together! The Writing Shed is 3 years old. It is good to savor this moment. 👏 🖊️
Dear Pequenas Flores,
Come eat your cake!
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Journaling tool share: Motivational quotes
Ready to stay calm and journal on? Let’s try some more journaling together!
- Write an affirmation/quote/saying your parent or grandparent always said to you that felt inspiring.
- It could also be a line of poetry, verse from a spiritual text, or a saying from a group, like AA, that motivates you.
- Brain Fact: “Motivational quotes affect our brain, our behavior, and our lives because they make us feel like we are in control of our own success, and that we have self-efficacy. Quotes make us believe that we have the confidence to complete a task successfully, which is different than having the motivation to succeed. Motivation means to WANT to achieve. Self-efficacy is the CAPACITY to achieve.” (“The Powerful Effects Motivational Quotes Have on Our Brains and Our Lives” by Melissa Gouty).
I’ll start us off: My father, a storyteller, wrote me a poem once when I was moving out to the southwestern U.S. And the words I remember the most from this poem were these: “And your kindness / Will show you the way.” These words have helped me start up conversations with strangers, build connections with new friends, and planted a seed in my heart that I have the agency to “be the path” I want to walk.
Can’t wait to hear in the Comments what words pass through your “thought stream” as reminders of love and care.
In a recent episode, “Making Meaning and Writing Toward Posttraumatic Growth with Lennie Echterling” Lisa Ellison notes that so often writers will encounter trigger warnings (when writing their story) and are encouraged to sort of “back away” from these warnings in order to care for the self. This is necessary! And Dr. Echterling, a long-time crisis counselor, reminded listeners to also look for “triggers of resilience.” In other words, can you find moments in your day that make you aware of how much your are loved, supported, and cared for?
I think this journaling prompt helps us do this.
Health benefits of storytelling
Did you know that the act of constructing your story has positive health benefits?
Simple things like . . .
having a beginning, middle, and an end or
creating characters that show a relationship with one another or
including back story
. . . are connected to gains in health. This is because these elements of structure help us make meaning out of painful experiences that are initially fragmented. These elements of structure also help bring mental coherence to things the body remembers only as chaos.
Coherence and meaning-making translates to mental and physical health benefits, including including lower levels of depression, decreased symptoms of chronic pain, and positive effects on immune function.
We know that telling our story can “adaptively transform and organize memory.”
Dr. Pennebaker puts it like this:
Once an experience has structure and meaning, it would follow that the emotional effects of that experience are more manageable. Constructing stories facilitates a sense of resolution, which results in less rumination and eventually allows disturbing experiences to subside gradually from conscious thought.
—from “Forming a Story: the Health Benefits of Narrative” (1999)
Want to try a non-pharmacological practice backed by scientific evidence?
Join me as I facilitate an online journaling workshop on Saturday, March 15, 2025 from 10 – 12 noon (MT) on Zoom.
We will learn two storytelling techniques in the journaling world—
the stepping stones tool (to honor where you have come from) and
a “storybook character” tool (a person with little to no limitations)
Learning the tools will help you practice self-compassion, notice how you became the person you are today, and experience the health benefits connected to the power of expressive writing. Make a “pay from the heart” gift to register for March workshop.
Shedding old stories
What stories do you tell yourself? Do they serve you in some positive way?
Before I transformed self hate into self love, I told myself a story that I wasn’t beautiful. This message eventually rang false, and I let go of that story.
Before I knew my parents were doing the best they could, I told myself I was wounded. I eventually was tired of being a split person reduced to only two sides (wounded by parents or hopeful I would be loved the way I needed to be), and I let this old story go.
Before I realized I created the deep and beautiful roots of my own story, I didn’t set personal or emotional boundaries. Now I know how and this is part of my reinvented story.
What stories can you let go of? What stories can you add?
Here’s a “Captured Moment” journaling tool share to add a story of success to your memory:
“I still remember the pride I felt when I came in second in the 5th grade Reading Olympics. It felt great because I wanted it (an actual reward for reading!) from the inside out. What is an inside-out success (tiny or huge) you’ve savored? Write its story in 7 – 10 minutes. Read back and reflect.
Prompt taken from the Journal to the Self card deck by Kathleen Adams.
Journaling Tool Share: Inner Wisdom
Dear creative women, What do you hear when your inner wisdom talks to you? Do you want to have a conversation with your inner wisdom? Maybe it’s what you know as the still, small voice; your Higher Self or Power; a religious/spiritual teacher; an angel or guide.
Ask questions from your heart: What is the purpose of . . . ? or How can I most deeply connect with . . . ? or What do I need to know about . . . ?
Treat it as a written meditation; there may be spaces between words; you may want to paint or draw or collage rather than write the dialogue. Give yourself time to get calm and be still. This will bring clarity and time to exit and enter gracefully as you listen to your heart.
When I did this journaling prompt this morning, I asked myself: “How can I most deeply connect with others?” The answer I received was through my creativity! It was a relief and felt really true to my core self. My inner wisdom also transmuted a few affirmations to me that I transcribed”❤️🧭: My creativity means I am energized; in communion with my core self; trusting of the present; and open to love.
Prompt taken from Journal to the Self card deck by Kathleen Adams.
The power of self-compassion
The holiday season can be full of comparisons. What did we do last year for Christmas dinner? Is my partner buying me more gifts than I am for him? Why does my front yard look so bare when my neighbor’s lawn looks so jolly?
Comparisons can be particularly troublesome when I compare my mothering to the mothers I see on social media or the drop-off line at school. Am I giving my son the same magical experience this season that other parents do? Am I making sure my son has exposure to a diverse range of holiday traditions as other multi-racial families would share with their sons?
These questions can be exhausting and too focused on the external self.
So, what’s a more flexible response than comparison this season, one that focuses on my core self?
My teacher, Anjana Deshpande, at the Center for Journal Therapy shared with me that “Compassion is very practical, active and lives in the present moment. It is not about giving yourself a break, but seeing yourself in a more realistic light.
So when we say things to ourselves such as ‘Why am I not further along?,’ compassion will ask practical questions such as ‘Well, do you have more on your plate now than you did two years ago? Then why are you expecting to move at the same pace?’
Compassion helps us move away from comparisons (even with our old self) . . . and focuses on our journey right now.
Compassion is a skill that can be cultivated, and lives in our pre-frontal cortex, which means we have to get out of our emotional brains and into our rational brains where problem solving and solutions live.”
Here’s a journaling prompt to help you move from comparisons to self-compassion this winter season:
Write a compassionate description of yourself from the point of view of someone who loves you (could be your dog!). Or a description of yourself from the third person. Remember to focus on your core self! Describe how someone might see you physically, emotionally, spiritually. Paint a portrait with words. (Prompt written by Anjana Deshpande).
I wrote a character sketch of myself from the perspective of my five year old son. While I saw myself as too “woo-woo” and sometimes selfish (as compared to other moms in my life), I imagined my son saw me differently:
He sees a mommy in love with the outside world, the small things. He tells me: Stunning pancakes mom. Massaging spaghetti Mom. Mom, do you see the orange and yellow leaves? Did you see our baby trees growing? Stunning planting of roses, Mom.
He sees a woman who centers her life around beauty, makes it her prayer, and he prays along. He prays: May I get to see Grammy and Pop Pop soon. May Grand Judy get the stone out of her belly soon. May Baby Judah learn from me, his big brother.
He sees a woman living in the sensory way. I say: Let’s read this poem aloud Remi Bear right here on this sidewalk. Let’s share this coconut and chocolate bar together. Let’s help each other put on our gloves so we can pick up these pine cones.
I am aware that I am hard on myself as a mother, and that when I look at myself through the lens of my five year old son, I soften. I am dynamic. I invite connection. I am surprised at how much we are learning together as mother and son. I am surprised by how much positive influence I have on my son, including his desire to pray, to connect with his spiritual self, and his desire to be in the sensory way with me, although his responses lean towards the joyful (and my responses towards the bittersweet).
This is my prayer for you this winter: May you feel the good work of having a self-compassionate lens—the intentionality, the rationality of looking at yourself from various angles, and the shift to a problem-solving approach.
May you enjoy the cookies made with love—the thumbprints, the peanut butter blossoms, the gingerbread men, the toffee brittle bars.
Can’t wait to chat again in 2025!
Journaling Tool Share: The Masks I Wear
Journaling is one of the best ways to practice mindfulness! We bring intention, cultivate awareness, and bring focus (so that our brain can do its “neuroplastic” magic).
When I’m “out of town,” I like to be creative with my five year old son. Time away from home seems to make the days longer and flow more effortlessly. This Sunday, we picked a card from a “Guided Art Therapy Card Deck” by Emily Sharp titled “The Mask I Wear,” a collage activity. My son ended up creating a self-portrait, and I followed the card’s invitation to explore my masks. Here is the prompt, which I’ve adapted some. You’ll want colored pencils and at least an hour to explore.
Draw the outline of a face. Cut out pictures from a newspaper/magazine and add them to your face. On the inside of your mask, consider placing what you show to the world and what others see. On the outside of your mask, place what you keep for yourself. Maybe there are things that align in the inside and outside? Explore these themes through colors, pictures, shapes, words, textures.
When you’re done, you can journal:
–Are the inside and outside of your mask different? Why?
–Is there something inside you that you wish you could show to the world?
–Notice what surprises you on the outside of your mask.
After my son and I finished making art, we each spoke about what the art meant to ourselves. Then we both shared “what we observed” in the other person’s art.
I also journaled a few hours after the art-making:
I am surprised that the outside includes so much about my core self. I think “glimmers” of this are shown to the world and definitely shown in my poetry/memoir writing, which are vessels for more intense truths. Social medias show highlights of this spiritual life, the tender life, the woman “in a process” way of being who has also arrived and isn’t going anywhere, so I don’t feel conflicted or am not carrying the weight of negative connotations of “mask.” I like that I hold private things longer and closer to my being. They are things that nurture me so. When they are done with this relationship with me, I give them away. This is a beautiful cycle.
Overall, I felt more connected with my son, more alive/in relationship with my core self, and more aware of how I see myself (and how others may see me). I pray my son and I continue to “hold” these positive experiences in our sphere together.
Want to relieve stress and connect with others?
Journaling “dates” can help you do both!
It was not until I joined a women’s writing group held in Marilyn Bousquin’s home (now called Writing Women’s Lives Memoir Academy) about 15 years ago that I began to speak. And my story was held by the women who I had just recently met. It was like I was a baby who first uttered sounds, then began to form words, and then sentences, and then poems to try to understand why I had internalized the violent message that I was not already beautiful as I was. The women in the writing group didn’t judge me. They listened with attention and kindness. They sat in the comfy chairs and let me speak my truth for the first time. It was a wave of relief.
Maya Angelou reminds us that “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
As a child of emotional neglect, I carried this agony of silence inside me. Because I did not grow up learning how to express my emotions, I did not know how to feel alive. I did not know how to self-advocate using my own voice. I did not know how to translate my body’s clues.
One of the earliest stories I carried in silence was that I had to conform to the world’s beauty standards to fit in. The port-wine stain birthmark on my face was something I hid. I did not know how to communicate with the world that this was what made me beautiful and different. I literally froze when strangers asked me if I was okay, since once they saw my birthmark, they figured I was harmed or injured.
I now know that the strength required to keep something a secret (the effort involved in inhibition) has stressful effects on our bodies. Researchers James Pennebaker and Joshua Smyth in Opening Up By Writing it Down (2016) conclude that “After confessions, significant drops in blood pressure and heart rate as well as improvements in immune function occur. In the weeks and months afterward, people’s physical and psychological health is improved” (41).
So, what are you keeping quiet that wants to be told and shared? We will help you hold it. We will listen with attention and kindness.
The journaling “dates” are designed for you to “dip your toes” into the waters of journaling, so they are meant to move at a slow pace as you continue to care for yourself while you tell your story.
Join me in November, December, and January, on the second and third Tuesdays of the month from 11 – 11:30 (MT) / 1 – 1:30 (ET) for journaling “dates” on Zoom.
If you want to use your journal to tell your story in a safe and supportive group and to find relief from the stress, join our women’s journaling group and sign up here for six journaling “dates.” Drop-ins are welcome too!
https://jessicamaggiebrophy.com/events/
The “dates” will take place on:
November 12 and 19
December 10 and 17
January 14 and 21
11 – 11:30 (MT) / 1 – 1:30 (ET)
The Brain Can Do Hard Things
This week has been a tough one. The spiraling nature of growth (post-trauma) has been hitting me hard. I have turned the kindness and love I show for others towards myself. This idea by Curt Thompson, author and psychiatrist, has helped. He writes that:
the brain can do hard things for a long time if it’s not alone.
I have shared tid-bits with friends, journaled with my friendly pen, shared my pain to my partner, called upon my spiritual mothers at my home altar, and generally slowed down to pay attention to the emotions of fear, anger, sorrow, gratitude, and loss. I have chosen exercise that will sooth me this week. I have done the bare minimum with my job responsibilities.
If the general definition of trauma is the absence of connection after a rupturing event, then post-traumatic growth happens when we are listened to and when our stories are given supportive and caring witnesses. Posttraumatic growth is a transformative process after a seismic rupture in our lives that alters how we view ourselves and others. Our value systems no longer work. Our family values no longer serve us. The communication styles we were using in our relationships do not keep us safe.
But an openness, curiosity, and optimism can help trauma survivors not only survive, but thrive, and reinvent their story, as long as it is accompanied by the company of those who listen, affirm, support, and pay attention.
The Writing Shed also recognizes that no writer writes alone, and we need to come together to journal because we heal in community. When we listen to one another’s stories, whether traumatic or celebratory, we feel seen and heard. We are a learning community where the pen is our friend. And we recognize that we are all unique. No two sheds from the women in our community would look alike, and no two stories would be told exactly the same way!
Join me in community with others who are allies of your healing journey for an Online Journaling Workshop To Tame Your Stress Dragons
Saturday, Oct. 26
10 – 11:30 (MT) / 12 – 1:30 (ET)
on Zoom
Register: www.jessicamaggiebrophy.com/registration