Dr. Maggie Is In the Shed

future-2372183_640
, ,
0

Fake it Till You Make It?

What’s in a photo? What’s in a moment to get the perfect shot? Let me fix my hair, let me get “on my good side,” let me take off my hat, let me point my toe to make my legs look longer. Let me fix my posture. Are my tits up?

What would your body say if it was acting as if it were on stage?

Would it “fake it’ til you made it”?

Glib advice, suggesting that inauthenticity is key to success.

But what about just acting as if you were already successful?

Here’s a journaling prompt to celebrate someone you are becoming–

Write a letter to your future self who has already accomplished ___________ (fill in the blank):

–Praise your future self.
–Congratulate her on the specific steps it took.
–Acknowledge how she overcame the challenges.

Brain Fact: Behavioral rehearsals are excellent ways to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for positive change. By imagining your wins in the future, you’re on your way!

–Journaling prompt taken from _Journal to the Self_ card deck by Kathleen Adams

drank-3539394_1280
, , ,
0

What Happens at a Women’s Journaling Group?

Maybe you are wondering what to expect when you come together to journal with other women. You think: Will I have to share? Will I get writer’s block? Can I make a new friend? Do I have to bring my own paper and pen? Will it be like writing an essay in high school (the time where I procrastinated until hours before the deadline)?

Trying to describe the magic that happens when women get together to journal together is difficult, but I will do my best:

First, we get cozy with each other. We break the ice. We talk in a circle. We “show and tell” our lives.

You should bring your favorite pen and notebook. 

Me move on to journaling warm-ups together (2-5 minutes) to release our nerves and whatever has built-up in our brainbodies for that day already.

Then we write for longer stretches (maybe 7 – 15 minutes) to uncover something a little deeper about ourselves.

Sometimes, we learn a new journaling tool to add to our toolkit (e.g., the time capsule tool; the captured moment tool).

Then we share. If you want to read your writing, you can. If you want to keep it close to your heart, that is perfect too.

Either way, you will feel the power of journaling together. You will feel seen and heard. I don’t know if it’s the sound of the pens scribbling together, or hearing your story in the story of another woman, or just being intentional about doing something good for ourselves, but a powerful alchemy swirls once the writing happens!

After a natural pause of sharing, we close the circle.

We take the feelings of connection and belonging with us.

We end by sharing a drink or meal. We take the newfound self-knowledge with us into our everyday lives. We give thanks for doing it with other women who supported us, even if it were for that brief hour or so together.

clouds-49520_1280
, , , ,
0

Softness and Getting to Know Ourselves

Women tell me they want more softness in their lives.

They tell me that practicing yoga, saying “no,” or  connecting to their feminine energy can help them. 

I affirm these practices, and I say . . .

What if learning more about your censor could also bring softness?

What if you attuned to that voice inside of you that says, “Don’t do that. That is wrong. You should be doing this.” 

What if learning about this censor helps you notice those conflicts that cause stress or hardness?

This state of mindful awareness can bring silence, clarity about what is true, and order to the chaos. 

Here is a journaling prompt to help you observe conflict:

Any time we actively like or dislike something about another person, it’s likely because it’s mirroring something we like or dislike about ourselves. Write a brief description of someone with whom you’re feeling conflict, describing the behavior (opinions, attitude, worldview) of the other. Then reflect on what you see in the other that you deny in yourself, or how the other echoes something in you that you have grown beyond, or where the other is representing something that goes against your core values.

Prompt taken from Journal to the Self Card Deck by Kathleen Adams

 

Screen Shot 2023-11-22 at 3.43.17 AM
, ,
0

Student Wellness & CNM News Article

It was fun being interviewed by CNM News! We discussed my partnership with Wellness CNM and facilitating journaling workshops for student wellness.

Thank you to Director Mia Mendoza for partnering with me and writer Alaina Africano for a great article!

Our final workshop of the semester at CNM is next Tuesday at noon on Zoom!

You can read the full article at:
https://www.cnm.edu/news/how-this-cnm-instructor-uses-journaling-workshops-to-help-students-manage-stress

caterpillar-ge1471e956_640
, ,
0

The Life Cycle of Healing

I love how Dr. Linnea’s program, The Nervous System Solution, takes us through 5 stages–awareness, regulation, restoration, connection, and expansion. Like the writing process, I imagine the healing process is recursive (i.e., going back to previous steps to refine our practice or doing the steps out of order based on our needs).

For example, I may practice steps in the awareness stage and then learn about my coping strategies in the regulation stage. I’ll jump ahead and try to make flexible boundaries in the connection phase and then return back to the awareness stage once I realize I need more practice in it because my boundaries (I became aware) weren’t as flexible as I intended.

In a February e-newsletter that Dr. Linnea emailed to me, she wrote about the “7 signs your body is healing from dysregulation”:

– You are more in control of how you react to emotions and feel mentally stronger.
– You aren’t drained by other people or by your own negative self-talk.
– You actually live your life instead of constantly feeling triggered by everything.
– You resolve the burnout cycle of taking on too much and then having to withdraw when you have no more energy.
– You can tune in to your intuition and clearly distinguish it from anxiety.
– You finally stop the 24/7 stream of ruminating thoughts and enjoy your free time.
– You aren’t limited (or even resentful) of your sensitivity anymore and start leveraging the superpowers it gives you instead.

Do these “goal posts” resonate with you? Which ones do you hope to live into or already are?

 

tea-438480_640
, , , , ,
0

When You Fear Happiness

Have you ever had a fear of happiness that you could express? It is so brave to put language to these fears, essentially saying, “I see you fear” and “I am staring you down,” even if I have to look away some times. I imagine it’s good to scream at these fears sometimes or welcome them in like a house guest, pulling up a chair and offering it a cup of tea (this is what Rumi does in his “The Guest House” poem):

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

 

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

I too relate to lingering fears (perhaps unmet primal needs surfacing from my unconscious) that I “don’t deserve good things” or can’t “allow myself to trust” that goodness is the norm. Sometimes I would tell myself:

  • “Why do I deserve to have such happiness now?”
    • (based on survivor guilt that other siblings in my family were still not growing or in a healthy way with themselves).
  • Or “Do I deserve unconditional love from myself or others?”
    • (i.e., I didn’t get it as a girl; why should now be any different?)
  • Or “Can healing and love really grow and expand? That’s fairy talk!”
    • (e.g., Love I experienced with my family of origin diminished me, so how can I trust it to expand me now with my chosen family?)

These questions remind me of the wisdom of Buddhist psychology, especially of Mark Epstein’s The Trauma of Everyday Life. He uses a lot of Winnicott’s paradigm of the “good enough” mother to explain how those who have experienced developmental trauma as a child can use that relational dynamic with themselves (a lot like the ideal parenting techniques). I was struck by this quote from the book. His ideas have helped me feel more flexible with this ever-changing and holy healing journey:

While some people have it in a much more pronounced way than others, the unpredictable and unstable nature of things makes life inherently traumatic. What the Buddha revealed through his dreams was that, true as this may be, the mind, by its very nature, is capable of holding trauma much the way a mother naturally relates to a baby. One does not have to be helpless and fearful, nor does one have to be hostile and self-referential. The mind knows intuitively how to find a middle path. Its implicit relational capacity is hardwired.

As I’ve continued to heal and grow, I know that I will still experience “little ‘t'” traumas (of everyday life) and will still have my childhood developmental trauma triggered by little things (like going to the very crowded farmer’s market or hearing my son’s screaming). And with all of the re-wiring that my brain can do, I now have the tools to regulate. And my triggers become fewer and fewer. My goal isn’t to attach to the happy zone (although anchoring in it is a more normal experience now); It doesn’t last forever, and I’m okay with that. The sad or anxious states wake me up again to what my body needs, and it can feel good to relate to what wants to be seen (even if my past default was to ignore, suppress).

Now, we can invite it in, and say “I see you.” I may not answer the door at the first few knocks, and I may even keep it “out in the cold” on my doorstep for a day or two. But eventually, I now say, “Come in. Let’s talk. Let’s cry. Let’s see each other.” Maybe this is the middle way?

bed-3013209_640
, , ,
0

Waking Up

Because we have recently adjusted to “summer time” here in Albuquerque, NM, I have been more aware of my circadian rhythm being in synch with nature’s rhythm. “Summer time” is when the days get longer in the warmer months so that darkness falls at a later clock time. I am watering my urban garden at sundown, adjusting my sleep pattern with the sunset times, and sitting on the porch before I go to bed. 
 
 
 
But I’ve also been thinking of sunrises, dawns, and early morning rising because the birds are back on the electrical wires outside of my apartment. They wake me gently up with their chirping. Dr. Linnea frequently recommends getting enough sunlight in the early morning to improve our sleep. She writes in her blog on ways to heal a dysregulated nervous system that: “We can improve our sleep by exposing our eyes to the sun in the morning. . . .” (“47 Practices to Heal a Dysregulated Nervous System”). She also notes the power of journaling and books to help heal us. 
 
 
 
I have found that reading poetry has been one of the most healing modalities of my journey thus far. This is because I will memorize poems that I want to comfort me in distressing times or reach out to poets that I know have a similar experiences as me. This makes me feel less alone. 
 
 
 
I’d like to share one of my favorite poems, “Dawn Revisited” by Rita Dove, with you. The speaker wants us to think about those early mornings:
 
Imagine you wake up
with a second chance: The blue jay
hawks his pretty wares
and the oak still stands, spreading
glorious shade. If you don’t look back,
 
the future never happens.
How good to rise in sunlight,
in the prodigal smell of biscuits –
eggs and sausage on the grill.
The whole sky is yours
 
to write on, blown open
to a blank page. Come on,
shake a leg! You’ll never know
who’s down there, frying those eggs,
if you don’t get up and see.
 
 
I love how the poem points to the interconnected relationship many of us have with our past lives, our present struggles and glimmers of green, and our hope to one day live into a future that is, to use Dr. Linnea’s terms— restored, connected, and expanded. “The whole sky is . . . blown open.” And how hopeful the speaker sounds when she tells us to wake up, be disciplined, be curious—“You’ll never know / who’s down there, frying those eggs, / if you don’t get up and see”!
 
 
 
What do mornings mean to you on your healing journey?
 
How does “summer time” connect you to something?
common-dandelion-7207918_1920
0

Resiliency and Journal Writing

We are a resilient people! But if you “read the popular press–or even psychology journals–you might conclude that PTSD and other mental . . . problems are the standard responses to all large traumas Surprisingly, the opposite is true” (Pennebaker and Smyth, Opening Up by Writing it Down).

In Silver and Wortman’s research, they show that the majority of people who faced the death of a spouse or spouse, did not experience intense anxiety or depression or grief that lasted a long time. They write that about 2/3 of soliders who have seen combat do not show evidence of PTSD. People in a major auto accident did not experience depression or PTSD.

Of course, this by no means undermines those of us who have experienced PTSD and the devastating effects of hyperattentiveness and not feeling safe in our skin. It also does not mean that we don’t have a responsibility to be trauma-informed and trauma-responsive in our homes, communities, and workplaces.

But, by and large, we are a resilient people, who when we need to recover, we can. We talk it out with friends. We come together with our neighbors or community. We can process and communicate the emotions with others and by ourselves.

This is encouraging research to me and something I talk a little more about with Dr Belinda Elek above. While journal writing may trigger past trauma or anxiety for some, it is also giving us the tools to cope and heal with the help of a supportive circle. It is that circle that bears witness to when we need to show gentleness and compassion to our past wounds rather than just forging ahead.

When was the last time you felt resilient?

hd-wallpaper-3784022_640
0

Expressive Writing in College Classroom

Sometimes I just want to check in with my students and feel their heartbeats. I want to know if the writing process for them has been a healthy one or if they have some unresolved emotions.

I recently heard that when students are confronted with a lot of information, it can be a type of trauma. “In a twisted sort of way a lecture is like a trauma for the audience. People are passively confronted by a bewildering amount of information over which they have little control” (Pennebaker and Smyth Opening Up by Writing it Down).

I had never thought that lecturing was a type of trauma, but I think the bigger point here is that students need to be given opportunities to confront and control what is happening in their own learning experiences and not constantly be confronted by the lecturer’s ideas. Expressive writing is one of those confronting strategies to put the power back in the hands of students.

An unexpected outcome of the journaling session was the immense outpouring of support, compassion, and love that the students shared with one another in the chat box after someone was brave enough to read their journal entry. I couldn’t have prepared or constructed this result in a million years with just me lecturing to the students. When I let go, and let the students explore their own lives, they wanted to be present for one another and they felt a deeper bond as a result. 

What other confronting strategies do you use to have students reflect on the connections between the subject matter and their own personal lives?

blue-3031307_640
0

Managing Stressful Thoughts at Night with Writing

Do you have stressful thoughts at night that keep you from sleeping? Over the past week, I have struggled to get the best sleep because I was thinking about the friend who ghosted me. It was a painful experience that I hashed out in my mind when I was supposed to be sleeping!

A lack of sleep can lead to all other types of health issues. One expressive writing study asked at risk for depression students to write about what was bothering them. Those who benefited most were those who brooded less in the future. That is, “writing helped them to change the ways they were thinking about their world: perhaps staving off periods anxiety or depression in the future” (Pennebaker and Smyth Opening Up by Writing it Down).

I love another journaling prompt that can help you manage your thoughts: 1–Ask yourself what are the unpleasant thoughts? 2– How do you feel about these unpleasant thoughts? Try this prompt the next time you are having trouble sleeping because your thoughts won’t leave you alone.

The point isn’t to get rid of the thoughts. It’s to acknowledge them and accept them so they have less control over us. 

LOAD MORE