A safe place to journal

Have you ever thought about how the place you choose to journal may make a difference? In Writing to Heal (2004, 2013) by James Pennebaker, he recommends experimenting with the context of your journaling practice. One of those contexts is the actual room you choose to write in, whether its indoor/outside, one’s own room or belonging to another, and whether its private/public. I chose the exercise “Finding a Safe Place to Write” (p. 123) because I wanted to explore some of my own girl issues within the surroundings of my son’s experiences. His joy feels safe to me, and I knew his private space would inspire me to seem my girlhood anew.

I wrote for ten minutes in my son’s bedroom. I realize that I don’t spend a lot of time in my son’s bedroom, except for morning and evening kisses, and I realized that it felt like a secure place for me to contrast my feelings of safety in his room with a past event of childhood emotional neglect (CEN) that is connected to who I am now:

I am immediately soft when I smell his stuffies and fleece blankets. I sit up in his bed and notice all the ways he is himself—his glue art with glass stones; his drawings of dogs on yoga blocks; his overturned laundry basket for a late night coloring table; all of the books to celebrate and cry with; his little “treasures” strewn on top of his dresser—a top, a friendship bracelet, a Pokemon card gifted to him by his bestie.

Some of the insights that came to me as I sat on his bed were my current feelings of spaciousness and orientation. Unlike as a girl, I now know the role I play and where I am “in the scene.” I feel safe knowing that this room welcomes our son, and invites him to practice his strengths. While I mourn the loss of my own girlhood and lack of private space and time to get to know myself (and to process difficult things that were never discussed with my caretakers), I can see that my son has this space to do just that, and I am proud of how far I have come in terms of working on how I relate to my son (without projecting my own childhood neglect onto him).

I am curious about my son’s interests and dreams and this curiosity feels both self compassionate and compassionate towards his 7 year old ups and downs. 

If you are journaling inner child work or any childhood memory that is distressing, I’d encourage you to consider finding a safe room to do it. It will support you and show you just how far you’ve come!